In case you don’t have a kid in your household, this is what you missed: Jack Black in Yo Gabba Gabba!
Minus points for being expensive. Plus points and raise it to the Nth power for being an awesome invention.
Can you imagine a classroom full of students using Curtas at the same time? *grind*
Q:How do you know if someone has an iPhone?
A:They’ll tell you.
So my wife and I are at her grandmother’s house for Thanksgiving. Her grandparents, mother and father, and a few other relative are all there and they are all old and all very religious and reserved. My wife has an iPhone and one day I took a picture of my balls and set it as her background. She kept the image but changed her background.
Well we’re sitting on this porch and I’m trying to convince her to delete it, you know, just in case. She really doesn’t want to but agrees. She doesn’t do it right away, but that’s fine, just as long as she does it. While at the dinner table her grandfather was going through the images but he was only looking at wedding pictures. And then I heard it.
“Oh…that’s just gross.”
I seriously have a mental freak out. He turns the phone toward me. Here it comes…false alarm. It’s a picture of us kissing. All a joke. Good times.
So we leave, and on the way home my wife realizes we forgot her phone there. Now, I took her phone and changed my name to something a little inappropriate so we can’t call them and let them know. So we figure we’ll just go back and get it. I mean, hell, they were all just talking about how confusing the fucking phone was…what’s the harm? Not like they can look through it. Then my wife says she’ll call her mom from my phone just to let her know.
1 missed call.
1 new voice mail.
It’s from her phone. The voice mail is her mother saying, “Uh…Matt…Jaclyn left her phone here…bye.” But the thing is she doesn’t know how to hang the phone up so we can hear her walking back to the dinner table and telling everybody, “yeah I knew that had to be the one.” Referring to the name being me.
We pull up and Jaclyn can’t even get into the house. Her mother met her at the door and handed her the phone and said, “I’m so embarrassed. This is awful.”
The Cock Machine. Her whole family now knows that I’m The Cock Machine.
- Vocalities on reddit
Catullus 16
Latin is an exact language for obscene acts
| Line | Latin text | English translation |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, | I will bugger you and face-fuck you, |
| 2 | Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi, | Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius, |
| 3 | qui me ex versiculis meis putastis, | You who think, because my verses |
| 4 | quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum. | Are delicate, that I am a sissy. |
| 5 | Nam castum esse decet pium poetam | For it’s right for the devoted poet to be chaste |
| 6 | ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest(necesse est); | Himself, but it’s not necessary for his verses to be so. |
| 7 | qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem, | Verses which then have taste and charm, |
| 8 | si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici | If they are delicate and sexy, |
| 9 | et quod pruriat incitare possunt, | And can incite an itch, |
| 10 | non dico pueris, sed his pilosis | And I don’t mean in boys, but in those hairy old men |
| 11 | qui duros nequeunt movere lumbos. | Who can’t get their flaccid dicks up. |
| 12 | Vos, quod milia multa basiorum | You, because you have read of my thousand kisses, |
| 13 | legistis, male me marem putatis? | You think I’m a sissy? |
| 14 | Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo. | I will bugger you and face-fuck you. |
[source: Wikipedia: Catullus 16]
